Flash: Bigfoot captured In Stotts City.
Well, in the interest of journalistic integrity, I must say that he actually has turned himself in. After years of grainy photos, unfounded rumor and those very irritating Slim Jim ads, the truth is in. The Ozark Mountain Yeti Bear is alive and well and staying at the Stearnsy Bear Shop in Stotts City, Mo.
This reporter has obtained an exclusive interview with the Yeti.
Cub Reporter: Bigfoot, after 100s of years on the loose, why did choose now to turn yourself in?
Yeti: Please don’t call me Bigfoot. That is my uncle’s mother’s cousin. I am a Yeti in the long line of Yetis. I just felt that this is the right time, what with global warming and the possibility of the Cubs in the World Series and the advent of digital TV on February 17th. It is very hard to get HD on the top of a mountain.
Cub Reporter: What are your future plans?
Yeti: I am looking for a quiet new home. As nice as it is here in the bear shop, I am looking for a bit more peace and possibly a home with a chair. You try sitting on a rock for years on end.
Cub Reporter: Who do you prefer in the presidential election this year?
Yeti: I prefer Truman over Dewey.
Cub Reporter: You have been in the woods a long time.
Yeti: So very true.
Ozark Mountain Yeti Bear."Hootin and Hollerin." Which is no more than you would expect from the Ozark Yeti and don't call me, Bigfoot, please. He's my uncle's mother's cousin. Of course many people think only of Nepal when you mention Yeti. Those folks haven't been to the Ozarks. The Ozark branch of the Yetis did originate there. First mentioned in 1832, the James Prinsep's Journal of the Asiatic Society of Bengal published trekker B. H. Hodgson's account of the Yeti in northern Nepal. That was us. Then in 1959, actor James Stewart, while visiting India, reportedly smuggled remains of a supposed Yeti, the so-called Pangboche Hand, by concealing it in his luggage when he flew from India to London. Wouldn't you have thought better of Jimmy Stewart than that. What, "With Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" and 'It's A Wonderful Life."
________________________________________________
Over the years the Ozark Yetis have become quite civilized from living in close proximity to the Ozark Mountain Hillbillies. It does rub off. Other than a penchant for hootin and hollerin at inopportune times, the Ozark Yeti is quite well behaved. Just don't take him to any funerals.
_________________________________________
Cultural mentors of the Yeti Bear.
___________________________________________
This great bear is made from a white color Schulte mohair. It has a 3 inch pile and it is lovely. It is also the most expensive mohair we have ever used. That's the good points. But it was real pain in the butt to work with. So there will be no encores. Even though here at Stearnsy Bears we have a never say die attitude. This was too hard so we're quitting on it.
________________________________________
The Society Page:
High Society went up a notch in Stotts City today when Ellen and Lou paid a visit to the Stearnsy Bear Shop to pick up some new Stearnsy Bears to help civlize Texas.
Ellen and Lou. Ellen is the pretty one. Lou is holding Boom Boom and Big Ear. Ellen is holding Rover the dog and a bear who refused to give his name until he talked to his lawyer. Although I'm sure they'll sweet talk it out of him before they get back to Texas.
__________________________________
Life in Stotts City:
It's Saturdy Night in Stotts City and you know what that means. Pig's ears. The only difference between now and the old days is that the dogs are eating the pig's ears now.
Blondie our very good lab shown here enjoying hers. Rusty, our handsome and well behaved collie also got one as well. Spud, our bad little dog, got his on the promise of good behavior yet to come. Don't turn your back on him though.
No comments:
Post a Comment